Saved And Lost
by rwbybomb21
Summary: For Jin0uga. Reflection of the past isn't a nice thing, but sometimes, it's best to realise that those you lost will always be there...even if it's painful. Post Volume 3 Episode 9, AU.


**This is following the rather...awesome episode 9 of RWBY, which had me captivated from the ending of episode 8. And can I just say...PENNY Rest In Pieces.**

 **For Jin0uga...huh, now that I think about it, most of my fics are for this guy...**

 **...hm. Oh, this is a first for me, because this story is my first ever 1** **st** **person fic!**

(^^^^^^)

I was a thief on the streets...you remember how I told you my story before? I was dark, lonely, afraid and a menace to all who knew me. I was even worse at Beacon.

Then I saw you.

You know, you saved me from myself; I was dark, lost, soulless, hopeless, and helpless. Yet, for some reason, Penny Pendolina, you stepped in to save me. You didn't have to, nor did your time-keeping watchdog, but you both did. She didn't matter though, because my attention was focused solely on you.

I led a life of crime, even while at Beacon- stealing, petty pranks, spars that went too far...maybe that's what attracted Cinder and her gang to me. A dark little girl with a heart equally as shadowed attracting the next big thing since the return of the Grimm? Quite the little girl I must've been.

You saw through me.

Your eyes, as green as the emeralds that I swear Pyrrha's eyes are, your heart as real and as big as anyone else, your body as soft as any other human's...it shocked me when you took one look at me when we met, sprouted from the ground when Weiss knocked you down, and proclaimed we were friends.

You might not know it, but you were my first friend, and to me that meant a lot.

From then on you introduced me to the world of light, away from the shadows I so used to love hiding in. Shopping trips I didn't care for, food that I really couldn't be bothered eating, talks about everything and anything that I despised. When you spoke to me, though, my throat seized up, my heart did this little jig, my stomach flipped in the most curious way and you, Penny Pendolina, showed me the light in which you dwelled.

I remember our first kiss as vividly as a dream I had been lucid for, a memory that only occurred yesterday- in a way, it did. Yesterday you approached me, asking a curious question about love, and other such emotions that I had no business knowing about- love wasn't my forte in all honestly, yet when you said we could find out what it was together, I wished I knew such a feeling to give you before you asked me those silly questions in the first place.

I remember the rushing feeling I felt in my chest when I told you that while I had barely any capability to love, I would go to the end of Remnant just to love you like I should- in the end, it worked, I guess. If there's one thing I can thank Cinder and Mercury for, it's that they kept me form you long enough to realise that I well and truly loved...love...you Penny Pendolina.

Yang didn't know, nor will she for as long as I live. Weiss, as smart as she was, could never think of the 'young, naive, thieving little Ruby' capable of ever loving anyone other than me. Blake...well, she's smarter than she looks, Penny, and that scares me- the smart ones always figure your secrets out in time, and I have so many, so many I didn't get the chance to tell you.

I wanted to try and love you, Penny, and in a way I did. I still do, the pain gripping me like a vice around my chest and squeezing so much that my eyes clench shut and my jaw slams tight as my eyes sting with unshed tears. Penny, you were the only the one that I'd ever gotten the chance to feel anything other than suspicion for. Your big green eyes I could get lost in, your hands so soft despite being made of metal, your heart as big, if not bigger, than anyone on this planet. You may have been a synthetic person, Penny Pendolina, but you were _my_ synthetic person.

I remember a lot, Penny Pendolina, but your death was the worst memory I've ever had. I still feel the concrete on my knees as I fell to them that day, eyes wide in pure and utter anguish. My scythe, Crescent Rose, wasn't with me, but that didn't stop me form wishing bloody murder upon all who stopped me form saving you.

You were in two, electronic guts spilled on the floor, eyes wide in both shock and something indescribable. I did not like that look.

You are...were...the light that kept me from the dark, Penny. You were the thing that kept me going.

Now you're nothing but rusted metal and glass beneath a planet that did not deserve you, not one bit. You showed this thief compassion, kindness, love, friendship, and I couldn't do anything with all of these feelings. I still love you, Penny, but because you are dead- deactivated, as Ironwood so callously put it- I feel as though...as though I don't deserve to love you anymore. But I do Penny, I do and it hurts.

My eyes are stinging as I kneel before your grave, Penny, because I still feel the heartache to this day, after all this time.

Because, Penny Pendolina, you saved me from the darkness...but I was too dark to save you.


End file.
